We Three, Silly Nightingales
by leafs nation
Summary: Who says the trinity can't have a little fun every once in a while? From pranks to heists and everything in between, here are some drabbles about our favourite Nightingales; trying to get the most out of their lives as guardians of the Twilight Sep... ya know.
1. Does this come in red?

He never believed it. Not in a million years would he have ever thought that the Nightingales were a thing. Everyone at the guild assumed that it was just a way to keep the young footpads in line. He'd actually been told by Mercer Frey himself when he first joined that if he didn't stop acting up that Nocturnal was going to sneak into his room and snatch him up.

At the time of course, he'd just laughed it off and told Mercer that he'd stop placing Skeever droppings inside of his bed.

But now here he was – side by side with Karliah and Balithus, stepping into Nightingale Hall. Brynjolf was still very hesitant about what Karliah was telling him. After all, being told for twenty years that she murdered the previous guild master would make it difficult for anybody. However, as he rubbed his grizzled hand over the cave walls to make sure this wasn't all a dream, he started to relent. Perhaps all the accusations about her weren't completely true after all.

"You're the first of the uninitiated to set foot in here for over a century…" Karliah informed them as they turned a corner, pointing over to the three altars located over to the side of the hall.

Whistling in astonishment, Brynjolf glanced around at how deserted and dirty the whole place seemed. There were benches toppled over carelessly, and what appeared to have once been a sleeping area was now covered in spider webs. "Nocturnal really let this place go, didn't she?" he quipped.

"Well, as I just said, you're-"

"Yeah, I know, just an observation is all."

Balithus was the first to step up to the stones, swiping a hand over one of them and marvelling as a small, dark wave of energy surged at his touch. "What are these things? Magical rocks? Are we gonna chuck magical rocks at Mercer? 'Cause I get first dibs if we do!"

Brynjolf chuckled and looked over at Karliah, and he could've sworn that she had actually smirked a little bit before shaking her head. It must've been hard living out on her own for so long.

"Place your hand directly on the altar, and your journey will truly begin," she stated, placing her palm gingerly upon the stone figure.

"Did you rehearse that before you came here…" Balithus tried to joke.

"Just put your hand on the damn thing!"

Not wanting to poke the beast that was Karliah Indoril, the two men quickly did the same and felt the shadows overtake them. The armour magically formed around them, consuming them in the coolest-looking armour that either of them had ever seen. But not only was it a unique fashion statement, but Brynjolf could actually feel physically stronger than before.

However, he was just _dying _to ask her this.

"Does this come in red?" he asked, examining the fabric of the cape.

"_What?_"

"This is wicked awesome! Hermaeus Mora's got nothing on this!" Balithus exclaimed, completely ignoring their conversation.

"I said does it come in red? I feel like I should be able to choose the colour of this thing."

Karliah face-palmed, and though Brynjolf couldn't see her face through the mask, he could tell she was rolling her eyes. He didn't see what the harm was in making their situation just a little less bleak, and he was always known around the guild for being quite humorous at times.

"Why would you get to choose… you know what, nevermind. Let's just get this pledge over with before I end up shooting an arrow through your groin," she groaned, beckoning for them to follow towards a sealed-off area with what looked to be (what else?) three pillars.

Wait a minute. Pledge? What was she talking about?

"What exactly are we agreeing to here, Karliah? I need to know the terms!"

"The terms are quite simple, Brynjolf," she started turning back to her companions to make sure they were ready to truly become the Nightingale trinity. "In exchange for the powers befitting a Nightingale, you are to serve under Nocturnal, protecting the Hall and serving her in life and death until your oath is complete."

"Well, as long as I can keep the costume, I'm good!" Balithus exclaimed, clearly not turned off by the prospect of serving a Daedric Lord in the afterlife. After a bit more convincing, Brynjolf eventually relented as well, seeing's how it would be the only way to stop Mercer from taking off.

Plus, Balithus did have a point – these fancy getups were pretty awesome indeed.

"Alright then. I'll lower the gate and hopefully Nocturnal won't be too angry to talk to me… What are you two doing now?!" Karliah asked, turning to face the two goofballs.

"Check me out! I'm invisible!" Balithus stated, hiding his body with his cape, even though she could clearly see him hiding in the corner.

"I can see you, Balithus."

"Nope! I'm invisible!"

"No you're not – Bryn! Why did you take off your armour?!"

"It's too cold, lass!" he gestured to the material now resting in his arms, "It's like Nocturnal dumped all our clothes into the Sea of Ghosts!"

Karliah looked back and forth between the two of them, trying to figure out if it was just Sheograth's way of playing tricks on her. They couldn't be this silly, could they? Oh gods above…

"Where'd the lad go?" Brynjolf questioned, noticing that he indeed disappeared in front of their eyes this time.

"Balithus! Come out here at once! We need to get going!" Karliah called, her voice echoing throughout the cave walls. When they got no reply, Karliah folded her arms across her chest and leaned back on the wall.

"Danger lurks in the night!"

Startled, Karliah smacked Balithus right across the face, with Brynjolf laughing hysterically at the scene. The wood elf rubbed his nose in pain, but smiled at the same time – weird combination.

"What the bloody hell are you doing that for?!" Karliah yelled, tapping her foot like a mother scolding her children… which was pretty much what she felt like at this point.

"Well, Miss Bossy-Pants, I was being stealthy! A silent guardian, a watchful protector, a dark kni-"

_Smack! _

"Are you both quite finished? In case you haven't noticed, the fate of the guild is resting upon our shoulders! In order for us to have any chance against Mercer Frey, we must have Nocturnal at our backs!" she exclaimed, already exhausted at their behaviour.

The two of them nodded slowly, having seemingly regained their composures.

"Finally… alright, let's get to it. What in Azura's name have I agreed to?" she asked rhetorically, pulling the chain and stepping into the room. She was about to take her place on the middle pillar, when all of a sudden…

"We are _so _scaring the pants off Delvin with these costumes when we get back."

_Smack! _


	2. But I don't wanna!

"But Karliah, we're tired! Can't you just ask Mercer to give it back nicely or something?" Balithus whined, leaning his hand on the stone wall of the dwarven ruin. Clearly his stamina wasn't what it used to be.

"I can't believe you two," Karliah scolded, folding her arms over her chest, "we've come all this way, past all those damn dwarven machines and hordes of Falmer, only for you two to come here and complain about how hard this all is. Bryn, weren't you the one who was all gung-ho about getting revenge on him?"

"Oh don't you start. Leave me out of this, lass," he panted, "I don't know if you've noticed, but we haven't had to be on the run nearly as long as you. Plus, I'm a Nord for god's sake! I was meant for freezing my ass off up north, not doing a friggin' marathon underground!"

"Mercer's literally right through that door! If we hurry we may be able to take him by surprise!"

"Relax, Kar. It's not like he's going anywhere," Balithus stated, downing what he believed to be a healing potion.

Brynjolf, however was quick to point out what it actually contained.

"Umm, Balithus? You know that's a bottle of Black-Briar Reserve, right?"

Looking astonished, Balithus drunkenly held up the bottle. "What? This thing, really? Wooooooowwwwww! That's probably why it tasted so, so good then ahahahahahah! I've had at least five of these since we walked into this place, too! You guys want some?"

After some much needed convincing and after practically dragging Balithus into the next room, the three Nightingales finally came face to face with Mercer. What could've possibly been a stealthy entrance turned out to be one of the biggest fuck-ups they had ever seen.

"Yo, Mercer! What's shaking duuuuudddeeee!" Balithus yelled, his raspy voice echoing off the walls. Karliah face-palmed and swore on Gallus' grave that if they made it out of here alive she would personally beat up the wood elf.

"Karliah, Karliah, when will you learn you can't get the jump on… what the hell?"

The drunk Nightingale stumbled down the rock formation and landed face-first in the dirt, colliding with a thump that made Brynjolf cringe. "You alright down there, lad?"

"Mmff fnr!"

"Good to know!"

"I don't know what kind of tricks you lot are playing, but I do know that you two should get well acquainted!" Mercer sneered as a glowing red beam formed in the palm of his hand.

"Well, I'd have to ask her out on a date first – I mean oh gods! I'm so sorry lass!"

"Fight it, Bryn! You have to fight it!" Karliah yelled, dodging a swing from one of Brynjolf's daggers.

By this point, Balithus had somehow managed to sober up a little bit and stand on his feet, but a massive headache was starting to overtake him. If that bastard at the Bee and Barb had warned him beforehand about the side effects of having too many of these, he would've asked for one of those stupid drinks he always kept trying to sell.

"When Brynjolf first brought you to me I could tell there was a shift in the wind…"

"For the record, that was probably Delvin, not me," Balithus interjected.

"…and at that point I knew it would end up with one of us at the end of a blade! Nocturnal doesn't care about you or the guild!"

"Are you still talking? If you don't shut up soon I'm gonna have to go all _Fus Ro Dah _on your ass! Just sayin'."

"It's clear that you'll never see the Key as I do – as an instrument of limitless wealth!" Mercer then unsheathed his golden blade from its holster, with the sharp edges of it glinting off the water below. "Then the die is cast, and once again my blade will taste Nightingale blood!"

"What do you mean, man – OUCH! Hey! That hurt! You're not playing very nicely!"

"Balithus! You have to fight him, now! It's the only way that the guild will survive!" Karliah yelled, barely scraping off Brynjolf's latest strike.

Turning around, Balithus looked at his fellow Nightingale incredulously. "What?! You never said that! I thought we were gonna hash out some terms or something!"

Another deep slash at his arm answered that question, and he could feel the draining effects of his enchanted blade seeping into his skin. There was only one way to deal with the crazed madman now.

The elf could feel the Thu'um building from his sternum, just waiting to be released into the air. Three, two, one and…

_FUS RO DAH! _

Mercer Frey flew backwards, hitting the giant snow elf statue with a loud crack. Groaning, Mercer rolled over to his side in pain… but why was he holding his nose?

"You have some really bad breath there, man! When's the last time you brushed your teeth?"

"Now I will finish – wait, what?"

"Seriously," Mercer breathed out, blood collecting in his mouth as he started to lose consciousness, "you need to clean your mouth sometime."

"Are… are you kidding me? Are you telling me that you think my bas breath just flung you across the room?" The spell on Brynjolf had dissipated, and the two of them were now just standing up above what had just transpired. "Guys, help me out here! You saw that didn't you?"

"That was a pretty sweet spell you pulled off there, friend. Could you teach me sometime?" Karliah asked, dusting off her bow.

"Indeed. But I think the old man might be right on this one, lad. You're never going to get a date with your breath smelling that bad."

"Seriously?! That was a shout just now! Don't you realize what that makes me?"

Scratching his chin, Brynjolf shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. Are you angry about something?"

"I'M THE DRAGONBORN!"

The two Nightingales chuckled, not believing him for a second. "Nice one, Bal. You nearly had us both fooled," Brynjolf wheezed.

"Yeah, everyone knows that the Dragonborn is a Nord. Good impersonation of him though," Karliah remarked, "It was almost exactly how I'd picture one."

"Whatever… Don't believe me? Fine!" Balithus yelled, bending down towards Mercer. "I'll take the Key off your hands now, if you don't mind."

The Breton growled in response – yeah, he actually growled! Like a cat! "Bite me, you bastard! I'm getting out of here before… oh shit."

Karliah somehow materialized right in front of him, aiming her bow directly at the man's face. Instead of shooting it directly at his face, however, she shot an arrow…

…right in the knee.

"Son of a bitch… every single time!" Balithus muttered, taking out the Nightingale Blade and finishing the job.

_Later…_

"You take it! You're the one who knew about all this in the first place!" Balithus complained, trying desperately to give the Skeleton Key to Karliah. However, she was insistent that the wood elf return it to its final resting place instead.

"I can't bear to face Nocturnal after what I've done…"

"Oh my god! Would you two quit your whining? Here, just do a game of bow, sword, dagger!" Brynjolf interjected, sitting on a nearby rock.

"Isn't it supposed to be rock, paper, sci-"

"Sword! I win. Now go return the Key," Karliah quickly shoved Balithus onto her horse and sent it off, with Balithus complaining about how she cheated. Well, she was a thief after all.

The two of them watched as their fellow Nightingale rode off unwillingly into the horizon, silently praying that he wouldn't run into any Frostbite Spiders along the way. He really hated those things.


	3. Third wheelin'

Well, this is awkward. I guess I know what being a third wheel is like now.

But then again, does that really count if the other person is dead? I mean, I can see the ghost from where I'm standing in the corner right now, but his face is covered by a Nightingale hood so I don't know what he looks like. Oh! He just praised me for saving the day… I'd better wave thanks.

Ok… are they talking to each other again? Ok, good. Man, I hate sitting over here. Twiddling my thumbs around while they keep talking to each other. I guess I can't blame them, though. After all, they haven't seen each other for twenty years now.

I wonder what's for lunch today. My pack got soaked in the dwemer ruin and my sweet roll got all soggy and gross. Who'd want to eat a soggy sweet roll? Not me, that's for sure.

Do you ever have these inner-monologues with yourself? I do all the time. It can actually be pretty entertaining at times! Whenever I go to Whiterun, I sit on one of the ledges leading up to Dragonsreach and mimic what Heimskr's saying. It's even worse when Nazeem and Brenuin are all standing next to him. Gods, it's like Whiterun just breeds out annoying people for fun. I oughta pickpocket their keys and lock them outside. Now that would be fun! Of course, Brenuin doesn't exactly have a house, so…

You know, yesterday Brynjolf came up to me and just offered me the position as guild master – completely out of the blue. I honestly didn't see that coming, so I immediately turned it down.

Bastard's persistent though, and I think he may have just tuned out what I said. Looks like the mantle's being thrown to the wood elf with the dashing good looks and charming personality! Heh heh.

Ugh. Will they hurry this up already? I've got a dungeon to pillage at four this afternoon, and I promised Serana I'd take her to a bar later tonight. Man, is she ever pretty! Smart and courageous too. Any guy would be lucky to be with her.

…so why the hell am I in the friend zone? Again!

Ahh, there he goes. Off into that pool that's way too small for me to swim in. Believe me, I tried when I got here – Nocturnal didn't seem to appreciate it though. Oh well.

Woah! The guy just, just disappeared! Poof! Gone! Kaput! Is he like a magician or something? I need to hire him for my next birthday party!

Geez, that was some kind of awesome! Oh wait, Karliah stopped talking. Shit! What did she say? I wasn't paying any attention at all! I can't even tell if she's looking at me 'cause the eye slits on our superhero costumes are so freaking small.

I guess I have to step on one of these three circle thingies. But why? I can't even tell what they mean. There's three of them all with moons, but each is slightly different. Does that mean they do something different to you? How can I trust these things? I don't want to get turned into a werewolf or something! Once was bad enough. I got rid of that shit as soon as I found out how. It was too itchy being a werewolf, anyway.

Ok, there's only one way to decide.

Eenie, meenie, miney mo…

…

…is that it? I don't feel like anything's happened. Oh, ok. Karliah just said that I picked the Agent of Stealth, whatever that means. OH! Maybe I'm like a secret agent now! Cooooool! Agent Dragonborn – fighting off any Draugr who dare oppress my sweet rolls!

Wait a minute – does that mean I'm actually invisible this time? Hell yeah!

…wait, what? I can only use it once per day? Wow, Nocturnal's way of keeping balance my ass! She totally cheated me!

…I have to wait a day to reselect my power…

SON OF A B-


	4. Drunken behaviour

"Hey! Bring me another round of the _absolute finest _mead you've got! Ah, what the hell, drinks for everyone on me!"

The whole bar erupted into a fit of cheers as Brynjolf tossed yet another hefty bag of coins onto the counter, with the barkeep counting them out just to make sure. You never knew if someone could be cheating you in a deal, and it would've been even truer if the man actually knew what kind of occupation Brynjolf did for a living.

Despite this, Bryn was giving the genuine amount tonight. He was feeling especially generous this evening after a huge haul that he obtained with his two fellow Nightingales, who were casually watching at one of the tables while sipping from their mead. Well… Balithus was anyway. Occasionally Karliah would drink some of the Black-Briar Mead, but honestly she'd been forced to deal with Maven so many times before that she couldn't care less about the stuff.

The Winking Skeever was relatively packed this evening, thanks to it being a celebration of Vittoria Vici's wedding that was surprisingly uninterrupted. The guards were sure that they would've had to arrest at least one would-be assassin, but thankfully nothing terrible like that happened.

What did happen though was the theft of a handful of jewels and more Septims than the three Nightingales could even count from the Jarl's palace. They actually made a bit of a competition out of it. Whoever could grab the most shit from the palace before the guards and everyone else came back to the Blue Palace would win, and clearly Brynjolf picked the best room in the house. The rest of the night went pretty much how you'd expect – with Brynjolf drinking his money away, and his two companions amusedly but slightly concernedly watching from afar.

"Don't you think he's had enough?" Karliah asked, twirling a strand of hair around her finger absentmindedly, "I mean, he's making a complete fool out of himself, and somebody's bound to figure out where all his money's coming from."

Balithus shook it off. "Nah, let him enjoy himself for now. He'll be fine. We shouldn't kill his buzz."

"I think he passed the buzz stage about four drinks ago," Karliah mentioned, watching as Brynjolf downed his mead in almost one sitting. "If he keeps this up, there's a good chance we're going to get caught."

Sure enough, three guards soon opened the door to the Winking Skeever with their intimidating presences. Karliah couldn't see their faces due to the helmets, but she was sure that they weren't looking too happy.

"Just keep it cool, Bal, and wait for my signal…" she instructed, getting a silent nod from the wood elf.

Brynjolf didn't even seem to notice them walk in, as he continued to engage in conversation with an old orc who had plopped a seat next to him. One of the guards firmly put his hand on Brynjolf's shoulder, and he looked back behind him with glossy eyes – mead swimming through his brain.

"So you're the one making the ruckus around here," one of the guards confirmed, crossing his arms over his chest. "We've gotten several complaints about unruly behaviour coming from a red-headed Nord over at the tavern. Sound familiar?"

"Nope, but if I see him I'll be sure to let you lads know," he tried to excuse himself, but to no avail. The second guard came and roughly pushed him back down into the bar seat. Balithus's fingers grazed the hilt of his blade on instinct, but Karliah set it back in his lap. Killing the guards would _definitely not _be a smart move on their part.

"So how is it that you managed to obtain all of this wealth anyway? You would think that an average citizen would simply keep it locked away in a safe somewhere, not just sitting on their person. Unless… you'd like to confess to something?" the guard insinuated, putting his hand on the hilt of his axe in case things became difficult.

Grinning wolfishly, Brynjolf wiggled his eyebrows at Balithus as he turned back towards the guard and explained, "It's all about sizing up your mark, lads."

"Oh gods, no…" Balithus muttered, burying his head on the table, "Please, don't give him any ideas."

"You're coming with me, thief!" the guard roared, pulling out a steel war axe and holding it menacingly above his head.

Thinking quickly, Brynjolf rammed into the guard's sternum, causing him to collapse into the other guard and send them both tumbling down. "Quickly! Run!" he shouted, heading for the door and sprinting towards the main gate of Solitude. A barrage of arrows luckily missed their targets, hitting instead the wooden planks of just collapsing uselessly against the stone walls of the city.

"Dodge this!" Karliah shouted, placing an arrow in her quiver and firing in an instant, setting its mark in a guard's arm. Of course though, in typical Karliah fashion, she did this while expertly leaping over another guard and placing a paralytic poison inside of his pocket, knocking him over almost instantly.

"Bless you, Lady of Shadows. I live another day," she whispered, catching up to her fellow Nightingales who were saddling up to their horses.

"Has anyone ever told you that you have the coolest catchphrases?" Balithus asked, helping Karliah up to the back of his own horse and galloping behind Brynjolf. The red-headed Nord seemed a little wobbly on his steed.

"Why is it we're letting him ride the horse?" she asked, watching as he slowly proceeded to fall over into a ditch.

Scratching his head, Balithus shrugged and rode past him, muttering something about not waiting for the old drunk.


End file.
